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Author Archive for Gary Yorke

The 15 Definitive Social and Emotional Skills for Children

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· January 13, 2019 
· No Comments

After countless hours of reviewing research studies and combining my own experience as a child and family therapist, I identified 15 definitive social and emotional skills that are important for children to develop.

All 15 skills are tied to children’s predictability on experiencing success in academics, social relationships and overall life satisfaction. In addition, most of the skills are related to the trendy concepts of grit, growth mindset and resiliency.

But what’s most important, is that all the skills can be developed and cultivated over time; and are essential to enabling a child to navigate through life’s wonders and challenges and maximize their sense of fulfillment.

I applied CASEL‘s domains (since they are the most credible organization on promoting social and emotional learning) as a foundational basis to organize the skills into 5 simple domains of: Self Awareness, Self Management, Social Awareness, Relationships Skills and Responsible Decision-Making.

Self Awareness Domain

The Self Awareness domain is a child’s ability to accurately recognize their own emotions, thoughts and values which allows them to be more conscious of their actions and behaviors. This is important because when a child is more aware of themselves both internally and externally, they are better able to navigate life challenges and make appropriate decisions.

1. Identify and be aware of own feelings and emotions

The ability to identify and be aware of their internal feelings and emotions during and after a situation. Feelings and emotions are generally indicators, and when a child is able to identify them, they can use this information on how to appropriately respond and react.

2. Identify own strengths and limitations

The ability to understand the degree of their own skills, abilities and talents. This skill provides a child a more accurate sense of how they can approach goals, tasks and challenges.

3. Identify own beliefs and values

Beliefs and values cultivated over time is a child’s internal compass. A child’s understanding of their internal compass provides them guidance them on how to feel, respond, act and make decisions.

4. Self confidence

Self confidence is the belief in one’s ability to organize and execute actions to succeed in a particular situation. This allows a child to perform at their potential, accept challenges and manage setbacks.

Self Management Domain

The Self Management Domain is a child’s ability to successfully regulate their own emotions, thoughts and behaviors in different situations. This enables a child to manage stress, control impulses, set goals and motivate themselves. Self Management are essential life skills that impacts how a child engages with their academics, interests and social relationships.

5. Manage impulses and delay gratification

The ability to manage impulses and delay gratification are fundamental to self-discipline. The ability to adequately manage impulses allows a child to decide, act and behave more appropriately. And the ability to delay gratification when appropriate allows a child to set and achieve goals.

6. Sustain attention and focus

The ability to sustain adequate attention and focus on tasks, in thinking and social situations. A child’s age-appropriate attention and focus abilities allows them to think clearly, and increase likelihood to complete tasks and responsibilities.

7. Goal Setting

The ability to think and plan ahead to set goals for both their own and social wants/needs. Goals can be short-, mid- or long-term.

8. Emotional Regulation

The ability to tolerate and manage uncomfortable feelings that may arise during challenges and difficult situations. When a child is able to manage uncomfortable feelings (e.g. frustration, anxiety, fear, grief) when appropriate, this will better equip them to navigate and overcome challenges.

Social Awareness Domain

Social Awareness Domain is a child’s ability to take the perspective of and empathize with others.

9. Empathy for others

The ability to understand other’s thoughts, feelings and point of view. Empathy is both an emotional and cognitive experience meaning it is being able to “feel with” a person through imagination. Having the capacity of empathy enables a child to respond appropriately to and connect with situations and others.

10. Respect for others

The ability to treat others kindly from the act of acknowledging their feelings, beliefs and actions. Respect is generally shown through a child’s thoughts and action to those they have positive regard for and those they have differences or disagreements with. Respect for others is foundational to building and maintaining positive relationships.

Relationship Skills Domain

The Relationship Skills Domain is a child’s ability to establish and maintain healthy and meaningful relationships with individuals and groups. Specific skills include the ability to communicate clearly, listen well, collaborate with others, resolve conflicts, resist inappropriate social pressures and seek and offer help when needed.

11. Listening Skills

The ability to accurately understand and interpret what others are verbally and non-verbally communicating. Being able to listen well decreases misunderstanding and lead to effective communication. This is an essential skill/foundational skill to be able to collaborate, resolve conflict and assert self.

12. Collaboration Skills

The ability to work with others to achieve common goals. Collaboration skills include planning, negotiation and agreeing with each others but most importantly, it also requires respect and trust. The ability to collaborate is an essential life skill that will enable a child to succeed in social and classroom settings.

13. Conflict Resolution Skills

The ability to overcome and resolve conflict with others. Conflict resolutions skills include being able to negotiate, compromise, and assert self while being able to be aware of own emotions, have empathy and actively listen to others. Since is it normal and common for conflicts to arise, developing conflict resolution skills will enable a child to navigate and grow from some of the most difficult challenges in life.

Responsible Decision Making

The Responsible Decision Making Domain are skills that result from interaction of skills in Self Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness and Relationship Skills domains. This domain includes the child’s ability to make constructive choices about their personal behavior and social interactions based on ethical standards, safety concerns, social norms and consequences.

14. Problem Solving

The ability to identify, analyze situations and apply solutions to problems. A child’s problem solving skills include being able to identify repeating problems in their lives, think of different solutions, evaluate pros and cons of solutions and apply solutions.

15. Responsible Decision Making

The ability to make constructive choices about their personal behavior and social interactions based on ethical standards, safety concerns, social norms and consequences.

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Play Attune is about providing parents and professionals practical play activities and resources focused on enhancing children’s social and emotional wellness. Behind every content we share is the belief that children learn valuable life skills through meaningful relationships and experiences.

Play Attune is created by William, a child and family psychotherapist with extensive experience working with families in various settings. We recently launched in the summer of 2018 and we invite you to join us on learning more and contributing to shape our content!

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Categories : Behavior, Featured, Feelings, Social and Emotional Competence, Social Issues

November Play Therapy Wrap-Up

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· December 4, 2018 
· No Comments

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” -Melody Beattie

Blog

There is a new mobile app that assists teens with medical and emotional challenges in explore and trusting their feelings. Though the hardship is ever-present for theses young adults, they are rarely given an outlet. With the game Shadow’s Edge, they are provided psycho-educational content in a fun ad fulfilling game- right on their phones! Read full post here.

Articles

The University of North Carolina has conducted a study on the affect of familial relationships on bullying. It was found that adolescents with good familial relationships were more likely to correctly identify bullying when they saw it, as well as intervene. This is important because while bullying often takes place outside of the home, it is very much a process that can begin or end with a child’s life at home. Read more here.

Don’t suppress your emotions! It’s been long assumed that it’s better to hide negative feelings or thoughts from children, though it’s known to cause emotional distress to the suppressor. In a study conducted by Washington State University, it was discovered that emotional suppression is just as bad for children, as they pick up on the negativity and learn inadequate methods for coping. Instead, express your feelings in a healthy way and turn your negative feelings into a positive example! Read more here.

Jessica Minahan is a certified behavior analyst, special educator, and author. She is typically called into schools to assist with challenging behavior in the classroom. She identifies the most likely reasons for acting out as anxiety, ADHD, and depression. She arms teachers with tips to interact with and motivate anxious or defiant students. Read more here.

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Categories : Feelings, Monthly Wrap-Up, Wrap Up
Tags : anxiety, child development, childhood stress, feelings, mental health disorders, parenting, Play Therapy, play therapy intervention, therapeutic games for teens

Shadow’s Edge: A Mobile Game for Teens Who Struggle with Chronic Illness

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· November 30, 2018 
· No Comments

 

For young people who struggle with chronic illnesses or emotional challenge, the weight of their trauma is ever-present, yet rarely are they given the opportunity to talk about the dark or scary side of their situations, let alone have a tool to help them move through and grow from their experience.

Enter the Digging Deep Project, with the mission of empowering teens to take charge of their emotional health in fun and engaging ways.

The Project’s newest product, the recently released mobile game, Shadow’s Edge, is designed to build resilience in teens with medical or emotional challenges. Combining psychology and technology, this free app reaches teens with psycho-educational content right where they are—on their mobile devices and playing games!

Shadow’s Edge players are guided through a process of journaling and creative expression, helping these teen players come to terms with their challenges within an immersive, edgy game world.

The quest of the player is to revive Shadow’s Edge, a city that has been decimated by storm.  Through gameplay, teens learn they can rebuild their lives by trusting their feelings and finding meaning in their experience.

Teens struggling with hardship needn’t stay in an isolated or dark world—they have the power to reshape it. They can create beauty where there was once dilapidation: There can be light; There can be colour; There can be hope.

Available for free on the App Store and Google Play. For more information and blog for and by teens visit www.shadowsedge.com.  For parents and professionals, more information on www.diggingdeep.org.

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Categories : Behavior, Conflict, Depression, Feelings, Parenting, Play Therapy Games
Tags : anger, anxiety, board games, childhood stress, counseling games, family roles, feelings, games, Play Therapy, play therapy gams, teens, therapeutic games for teens, therapy games

October Play Therapy Wrap-Up

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· November 5, 2018 
· No Comments

Articles

In today’s fast-paced society, social media is king. It can be difficult for young people to understand that what they see online isn’t always as it seems. Social media can cause young people to feel pressured to perform at a higher level and strive for unrealistic goals. Stephanie Samar, PsyD, has some tips on how you can help your child or teen to unplug, and understand that social media only shows one side of every story. Read full article here.

According to a research study performed by two University of Arkansas professors, at-risk elementary school children benefit from child-centered play therapy. Kristi Perryman and Lisa Bowers have spent three years screening children who may benefit from play therapy. They strive to identify the participants before intervention is critical when school and social competence are effected. Read full article here. 

In their pre-teen and early teen years, girls experience a  dramatic drop in self-confidence. During this time they can find it difficult to try new things, take risks, and may even feel intimidated by activities they previously enjoyed. It can be difficult as a parent to watch as a thriving young woman suddenly feels inadequate by Stephanie DeAngelis has some tips to help. Read full article here.

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Categories : Monthly Wrap-Up, Wrap Up
Tags : child development, child play therapy toys, child therapy, childhood stress, Play Therapy, play therapy intervention, teens

September Play Therapy Wrap-Up

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· October 1, 2018 
· No Comments

 

Blog

Leah Davies, M.Ed. shared another wonderful post! Our words are a powerful tool, and often phrasing can mean the difference between a source of comfort or a painful barb. Words Can Inspire is all about using your words to build up and encourage children to achieve. Davies shows some examples of how honest statements can be encouraging or discouraging. Read more here.

Articles

A study performed by the University of Montreal shows evidence that children who witness bulling and violent behavior in school (eighth grade) are more likely to experience “psycho-social behavior” and struggle academically just two years later. This shows that bullying has adverse impacts on not only the child being bullied, but also the children who watch from afar. This is why it’s crucial to talk to children about what to do if they are being bullied or witness bullying. Read full article here. 

Studies and statistics show that teen friendships outside the home are important to the emotional health of teens.  Teens who are allowed to maintain close friendships in adolescence are reported to have higher self-worth, and lower feelings of anxiety. Parents, here are some tips on how to allow your teens to enjoy their friendships without letting go of the  steering wheel. Read full article here.

The number of children diagnosed with ADHD in the United States has nearly doubled in the last 20 years. Researchers believe this is due largely to an increase in access to insurance and mental health resources under the Affordable Care Act. Though some people believe the disorder to be over-diagnosed, professionals advise that this is not likely. Read full article here. 

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Categories : Monthly Wrap-Up, Wrap Up

Words Can Inspire by Leah Davies M.Ed.

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· October 1, 2018 
· No Comments

Most educators can recall a teacher’s comment that either encouraged or discouraged them. Positive messages foster a child’s growth and are constructive, while negative messages can defeat and discourage a child. Our words can have a profound effect upon a child’s attitude and behavior. A comment like, “You better do well on this test,” can threaten a child’s confidence. In contrast, by saying, “This is an important test, but I know each of you will do your best,” can inspire children to try harder. Here are some examples of teacher comments made to children that illustrate how the right (or wrong) words can discourage or encourage:

A discouraging comment such as…
“You are slow like your brothers. You may never learn to read.”

…would lead the child to internalize the message and quit trying.

An encouraging comment such as…
“You do well in math and I believe you will become a good reader. I will help you learn to read!”

…would make the child think that if his teacher believes that he can learn to read, maybe he really can! The student will feel proud of his math ability and be ready to try to improve his reading.

A discouraging comment such as…
“You are always in trouble. You are just one of those children who cannot get along with others.”

…would lead a child to believe that she is a hopeless troublemaker who will never have friends.

An encouraging comment such as…
“You are a talented artist. Getting along with others is something that can be improved upon. I know you will be able to learn how to share and take turns.”

…would inspire a child to try to live up to her teacher’s expectation of her being able to behave appropriately.

Teacher comments can have a significant impact on a child’s self-esteem. Many students come to school sad and discouraged as a result of poverty, abuse or other problems. Children desperately need someone to believe in their worth and encourage them to try harder to do their best!

Jerry Moe, a renowned national speaker and prevention specialist for children at the Betty Ford Center, shared his childhood at a recent conference. His parents were alcoholics who were unavailable to help him grow and develop into a self-confident child. As an adolescent, he exhibited delinquent behaviors. One day a substitute teacher called him aside and said, “You are too good to get in trouble. I see a lovable child underneath your tough exterior. You are a valuable human being. I know you can make a contribution to this world.” Mr. Moe reported that those few words turned his life around and he began to believe that he could develop into a worthwhile person.

Students with a low sense of worth dwell on their weaknesses. Teachers who search for and discover each child’s strengths can contribute greatly to a child’s revised self-concept. When a teacher mentions a child’s strengths, he or she will most likely begin to believe he has abilities.

For example a teacher might say:

  • “I see you can run very fast. You may want to be on the track team someday.”
  • “I have been thinking about your project idea, and I have decided to use it!”
  • “What a creative story! I am going to hang your paper on the bulletin board.”
  • “What bright colors you used in your picture. Maybe you will become an artist!”

Words that paint successful pictures for children stimulate optimism about their future and thus encourage positive behaviors. If you want to inspire your students, stop and think before saying something defeating and then express the idea in a constructive, encouraging way.

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Categories : Child Development, Communication, Feelings, Parenting

Three Sets of Ungame Cards (Kids, Teen, and Family)

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· September 5, 2018 
· No Comments

A non-competitive game that encourages conversation and communication. Use as an ice-breaker or for a serious exchange of thoughts, feelings and ideas. A very gentle and encouraging way to help kids begin to have therapeutic conversations. These cards can also be used with the board game.

Check out the board game here!

Ages 5-Adult, 2-6 Players.

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Categories : Product of the Month

6 Things An Elementary School Counselor Wants You To Know About Bullying

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· September 5, 2018 
· No Comments

Bullying is scary. It’s a scary concept for parents that could become their child’s reality. But bullying in all forms is a sign of ignorance, and the best way to stop it is to educate your children about what bullying is, and what they should do it they see it, or become a victim. Loren Santos, a school counselor at Franklin Elementary School in Baltimore County, Maryland has six tips to help you talk about bullying with your children. Read full article here.

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Categories : Article of the Month

August Play Therapy Wrap-Up

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· September 5, 2018 
· No Comments

Blog

This month, Dr. Gary shared the importance of emotional literacy. Therapists and counselors are often concerned about a child’s emotional literacy. Emotionally literate children can manage their feelings and their reactions to those feelings. They can recognize and respond to other people’s feelings, which is a significant advantage in life. Feelings are the most basic building blocks of social skills. Without the ability to recognize feelings in themselves and others, children are not able to master social interactions. Read more here.

Articles

New studies have found that toddlers as young as two years old are able to understand that their actions are being judged. They understand that their actions can render positive or negative reactions from others. This is important because it shows us that children, at a very young age, begin to understand far more than we assume. Read full article here.

As we return our loved ones back to school yards, campuses, and trusted teachers, we are too familiar with the temptations that our children face with each new school year. Social media is often an outlet to which they turn. The number of media platforms is ever-growing, however, and it may seem hopeless to a parent to monitor and supervise. Thankfully, we have found some useful tips to help you keep your loved ones safe on the web! Read full article here.

Bullying is scary. It’s a scary concept for parents that could become their child’s reality. But bullying in all forms is a sign of ignorance, and the best way to stop it is to educate your children about what bullying is, and what they should do it they see it, or become a victim. Loren Santos, a school counselor at Franklin Elementary School in Baltimore County, Maryland has six tips to help you talk about bullying with your children. Read full article here.

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Categories : Bullying, Child Development, Feelings, Monthly Wrap-Up, Parenting, Wrap Up
Tags : board games, childhood stress, counseling games, development, family roles, feelings, Play Therapy, therapeutic games for children

Identifying and Expressing Feelings

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· August 21, 2018 
· No Comments

Therapists and counselors are often concerned about a child’s emotional literacy. Emotionally literate children can manage their feelings and their reactions to those feelings. They can recognize and respond to other people’s feelings, which is a significant advantage in life. Many of our clients are not emotionally literate and our work with those children includes developing and enhancing the child’s ability to identify and express their feelings. Feelings are the most basic building blocks of social skills. Without the ability to recognize feelings in themselves and others, children are not able to master social interactions. Children adept at identifying and expressing their feelings are likely to display increased empathy which is crucial for social competence, social relatedness, and pro-social behavior.  Children with deficits in their ability to identify and express their feelings may display excessive anger and frustration, and have more troubled interpersonal relationships with peers, teachers, and family members.

Since the development of The Talking, Feeling, and Doing board game in the 70’s, there have been hundreds of games developed to promote feeling identification and expression. Below is a brief survey of six of the most popular games currently on the market.

Feeling’s Detective is a matching game and is especially helpful with children who have difficulty picking up on social cues. It is suitable for children in grades 1-6. Feelings Detective helps children understand their own feelings as well as the feelings of others. It is especially helpful for children who tend to misread social cues, including those who have been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome or are at any other position on the Autism Spectrum. Specific examples help players link specific situations and thoughts with specific feelings.

The Emotions Mania Thumball is a great ice breaker for children, families, and groups.  Thumballs are a soft, stuffed ball that is safe for indoor use. Game play is simple. Simply throw, roll, pass or catch the thumball. Look under your thumb and react to the feeling word found there. Each panel has a different word. The Emotion Mania Thumball includes words such as happy, sad worried, curious, silly, proud and lonely. It is suitable for children, teens, and adults.

Go Fish: Fishing for Feelings teaches the skills needed to successfully deal with feelings, recognize feelings in others, and identify appropriate feelings. Players practice talking about their feelings in a non-threatening way. Players answer open-ended questions before receiving a requested card. Each question prompts a discussion about successfully dealing with feelings, recognizing other people’s feelings, or identifying appropriate feelings. The game plays like classic Go Fish. There are two decks of 50 cards in each game. One for children ages 5 to 8 years old, and the other for children ages 8 to 11 years old.

 

Emotional Bingo for Children (Spanish & English) is a great game for groups, class rooms, and individual sessions. In this bingo game players identify feelings rather than numbers on their Bingo cards. Emotional Bingo helps children learn to recognize various feelings and make empathetic responses. The game rules provide opportunities for children to discuss their own feelings and to respond with empathy to the feelings of others. The children’s version is suitable for children ages 6-12 and there is a version available for Teens.

 

The Yes I Can! Talk About Feelings cards are designed to facilitate conversation, insight, expressive skills, and increase an individual’s feeling word vocabulary. It is suitable for families, classrooms, counselors, & therapists and improves feeling identification and the expression of emotions. The Yes I Can Talk About Feelings game is great for enhancing self-awareness and the impact of one’s behavior. The instructions include several fun activities and suggestions for using the cards. This game is suitable for ages 5 and up, 2-6 players.

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Categories : Asperger's, Autism, Behavior, Child Development, Communication, Feelings, Play Therapy, Play Therapy Games
Tags : board games, child development, child therapy, counseling games, feelings, Play Therapy, play therapy gams, therapeutic games for children, therapeutic games for teens, therapy games, thumball
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