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Archive for Feelings

The 15 Definitive Social and Emotional Skills for Children

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· January 13, 2019 
· No Comments

After countless hours of reviewing research studies and combining my own experience as a child and family therapist, I identified 15 definitive social and emotional skills that are important for children to develop.

All 15 skills are tied to children’s predictability on experiencing success in academics, social relationships and overall life satisfaction. In addition, most of the skills are related to the trendy concepts of grit, growth mindset and resiliency.

But what’s most important, is that all the skills can be developed and cultivated over time; and are essential to enabling a child to navigate through life’s wonders and challenges and maximize their sense of fulfillment.

I applied CASEL‘s domains (since they are the most credible organization on promoting social and emotional learning) as a foundational basis to organize the skills into 5 simple domains of: Self Awareness, Self Management, Social Awareness, Relationships Skills and Responsible Decision-Making.

Self Awareness Domain

The Self Awareness domain is a child’s ability to accurately recognize their own emotions, thoughts and values which allows them to be more conscious of their actions and behaviors. This is important because when a child is more aware of themselves both internally and externally, they are better able to navigate life challenges and make appropriate decisions.

1. Identify and be aware of own feelings and emotions

The ability to identify and be aware of their internal feelings and emotions during and after a situation. Feelings and emotions are generally indicators, and when a child is able to identify them, they can use this information on how to appropriately respond and react.

2. Identify own strengths and limitations

The ability to understand the degree of their own skills, abilities and talents. This skill provides a child a more accurate sense of how they can approach goals, tasks and challenges.

3. Identify own beliefs and values

Beliefs and values cultivated over time is a child’s internal compass. A child’s understanding of their internal compass provides them guidance them on how to feel, respond, act and make decisions.

4. Self confidence

Self confidence is the belief in one’s ability to organize and execute actions to succeed in a particular situation. This allows a child to perform at their potential, accept challenges and manage setbacks.

Self Management Domain

The Self Management Domain is a child’s ability to successfully regulate their own emotions, thoughts and behaviors in different situations. This enables a child to manage stress, control impulses, set goals and motivate themselves. Self Management are essential life skills that impacts how a child engages with their academics, interests and social relationships.

5. Manage impulses and delay gratification

The ability to manage impulses and delay gratification are fundamental to self-discipline. The ability to adequately manage impulses allows a child to decide, act and behave more appropriately. And the ability to delay gratification when appropriate allows a child to set and achieve goals.

6. Sustain attention and focus

The ability to sustain adequate attention and focus on tasks, in thinking and social situations. A child’s age-appropriate attention and focus abilities allows them to think clearly, and increase likelihood to complete tasks and responsibilities.

7. Goal Setting

The ability to think and plan ahead to set goals for both their own and social wants/needs. Goals can be short-, mid- or long-term.

8. Emotional Regulation

The ability to tolerate and manage uncomfortable feelings that may arise during challenges and difficult situations. When a child is able to manage uncomfortable feelings (e.g. frustration, anxiety, fear, grief) when appropriate, this will better equip them to navigate and overcome challenges.

Social Awareness Domain

Social Awareness Domain is a child’s ability to take the perspective of and empathize with others.

9. Empathy for others

The ability to understand other’s thoughts, feelings and point of view. Empathy is both an emotional and cognitive experience meaning it is being able to “feel with” a person through imagination. Having the capacity of empathy enables a child to respond appropriately to and connect with situations and others.

10. Respect for others

The ability to treat others kindly from the act of acknowledging their feelings, beliefs and actions. Respect is generally shown through a child’s thoughts and action to those they have positive regard for and those they have differences or disagreements with. Respect for others is foundational to building and maintaining positive relationships.

Relationship Skills Domain

The Relationship Skills Domain is a child’s ability to establish and maintain healthy and meaningful relationships with individuals and groups. Specific skills include the ability to communicate clearly, listen well, collaborate with others, resolve conflicts, resist inappropriate social pressures and seek and offer help when needed.

11. Listening Skills

The ability to accurately understand and interpret what others are verbally and non-verbally communicating. Being able to listen well decreases misunderstanding and lead to effective communication. This is an essential skill/foundational skill to be able to collaborate, resolve conflict and assert self.

12. Collaboration Skills

The ability to work with others to achieve common goals. Collaboration skills include planning, negotiation and agreeing with each others but most importantly, it also requires respect and trust. The ability to collaborate is an essential life skill that will enable a child to succeed in social and classroom settings.

13. Conflict Resolution Skills

The ability to overcome and resolve conflict with others. Conflict resolutions skills include being able to negotiate, compromise, and assert self while being able to be aware of own emotions, have empathy and actively listen to others. Since is it normal and common for conflicts to arise, developing conflict resolution skills will enable a child to navigate and grow from some of the most difficult challenges in life.

Responsible Decision Making

The Responsible Decision Making Domain are skills that result from interaction of skills in Self Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness and Relationship Skills domains. This domain includes the child’s ability to make constructive choices about their personal behavior and social interactions based on ethical standards, safety concerns, social norms and consequences.

14. Problem Solving

The ability to identify, analyze situations and apply solutions to problems. A child’s problem solving skills include being able to identify repeating problems in their lives, think of different solutions, evaluate pros and cons of solutions and apply solutions.

15. Responsible Decision Making

The ability to make constructive choices about their personal behavior and social interactions based on ethical standards, safety concerns, social norms and consequences.

  *******

Play Attune is about providing parents and professionals practical play activities and resources focused on enhancing children’s social and emotional wellness. Behind every content we share is the belief that children learn valuable life skills through meaningful relationships and experiences.

Play Attune is created by William, a child and family psychotherapist with extensive experience working with families in various settings. We recently launched in the summer of 2018 and we invite you to join us on learning more and contributing to shape our content!

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Categories : Behavior, Featured, Feelings, Social and Emotional Competence, Social Issues

November Play Therapy Wrap-Up

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· December 4, 2018 
· No Comments

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” -Melody Beattie

Blog

There is a new mobile app that assists teens with medical and emotional challenges in explore and trusting their feelings. Though the hardship is ever-present for theses young adults, they are rarely given an outlet. With the game Shadow’s Edge, they are provided psycho-educational content in a fun ad fulfilling game- right on their phones! Read full post here.

Articles

The University of North Carolina has conducted a study on the affect of familial relationships on bullying. It was found that adolescents with good familial relationships were more likely to correctly identify bullying when they saw it, as well as intervene. This is important because while bullying often takes place outside of the home, it is very much a process that can begin or end with a child’s life at home. Read more here.

Don’t suppress your emotions! It’s been long assumed that it’s better to hide negative feelings or thoughts from children, though it’s known to cause emotional distress to the suppressor. In a study conducted by Washington State University, it was discovered that emotional suppression is just as bad for children, as they pick up on the negativity and learn inadequate methods for coping. Instead, express your feelings in a healthy way and turn your negative feelings into a positive example! Read more here.

Jessica Minahan is a certified behavior analyst, special educator, and author. She is typically called into schools to assist with challenging behavior in the classroom. She identifies the most likely reasons for acting out as anxiety, ADHD, and depression. She arms teachers with tips to interact with and motivate anxious or defiant students. Read more here.

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Categories : Feelings, Monthly Wrap-Up, Wrap Up
Tags : anxiety, child development, childhood stress, feelings, mental health disorders, parenting, Play Therapy, play therapy intervention, therapeutic games for teens

Shadow’s Edge: A Mobile Game for Teens Who Struggle with Chronic Illness

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· November 30, 2018 
· No Comments

 

For young people who struggle with chronic illnesses or emotional challenge, the weight of their trauma is ever-present, yet rarely are they given the opportunity to talk about the dark or scary side of their situations, let alone have a tool to help them move through and grow from their experience.

Enter the Digging Deep Project, with the mission of empowering teens to take charge of their emotional health in fun and engaging ways.

The Project’s newest product, the recently released mobile game, Shadow’s Edge, is designed to build resilience in teens with medical or emotional challenges. Combining psychology and technology, this free app reaches teens with psycho-educational content right where they are—on their mobile devices and playing games!

Shadow’s Edge players are guided through a process of journaling and creative expression, helping these teen players come to terms with their challenges within an immersive, edgy game world.

The quest of the player is to revive Shadow’s Edge, a city that has been decimated by storm.  Through gameplay, teens learn they can rebuild their lives by trusting their feelings and finding meaning in their experience.

Teens struggling with hardship needn’t stay in an isolated or dark world—they have the power to reshape it. They can create beauty where there was once dilapidation: There can be light; There can be colour; There can be hope.

Available for free on the App Store and Google Play. For more information and blog for and by teens visit www.shadowsedge.com.  For parents and professionals, more information on www.diggingdeep.org.

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Categories : Behavior, Conflict, Depression, Feelings, Parenting, Play Therapy Games
Tags : anger, anxiety, board games, childhood stress, counseling games, family roles, feelings, games, Play Therapy, play therapy gams, teens, therapeutic games for teens, therapy games

Words Can Inspire by Leah Davies M.Ed.

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· October 1, 2018 
· No Comments

Most educators can recall a teacher’s comment that either encouraged or discouraged them. Positive messages foster a child’s growth and are constructive, while negative messages can defeat and discourage a child. Our words can have a profound effect upon a child’s attitude and behavior. A comment like, “You better do well on this test,” can threaten a child’s confidence. In contrast, by saying, “This is an important test, but I know each of you will do your best,” can inspire children to try harder. Here are some examples of teacher comments made to children that illustrate how the right (or wrong) words can discourage or encourage:

A discouraging comment such as…
“You are slow like your brothers. You may never learn to read.”

…would lead the child to internalize the message and quit trying.

An encouraging comment such as…
“You do well in math and I believe you will become a good reader. I will help you learn to read!”

…would make the child think that if his teacher believes that he can learn to read, maybe he really can! The student will feel proud of his math ability and be ready to try to improve his reading.

A discouraging comment such as…
“You are always in trouble. You are just one of those children who cannot get along with others.”

…would lead a child to believe that she is a hopeless troublemaker who will never have friends.

An encouraging comment such as…
“You are a talented artist. Getting along with others is something that can be improved upon. I know you will be able to learn how to share and take turns.”

…would inspire a child to try to live up to her teacher’s expectation of her being able to behave appropriately.

Teacher comments can have a significant impact on a child’s self-esteem. Many students come to school sad and discouraged as a result of poverty, abuse or other problems. Children desperately need someone to believe in their worth and encourage them to try harder to do their best!

Jerry Moe, a renowned national speaker and prevention specialist for children at the Betty Ford Center, shared his childhood at a recent conference. His parents were alcoholics who were unavailable to help him grow and develop into a self-confident child. As an adolescent, he exhibited delinquent behaviors. One day a substitute teacher called him aside and said, “You are too good to get in trouble. I see a lovable child underneath your tough exterior. You are a valuable human being. I know you can make a contribution to this world.” Mr. Moe reported that those few words turned his life around and he began to believe that he could develop into a worthwhile person.

Students with a low sense of worth dwell on their weaknesses. Teachers who search for and discover each child’s strengths can contribute greatly to a child’s revised self-concept. When a teacher mentions a child’s strengths, he or she will most likely begin to believe he has abilities.

For example a teacher might say:

  • “I see you can run very fast. You may want to be on the track team someday.”
  • “I have been thinking about your project idea, and I have decided to use it!”
  • “What a creative story! I am going to hang your paper on the bulletin board.”
  • “What bright colors you used in your picture. Maybe you will become an artist!”

Words that paint successful pictures for children stimulate optimism about their future and thus encourage positive behaviors. If you want to inspire your students, stop and think before saying something defeating and then express the idea in a constructive, encouraging way.

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Categories : Child Development, Communication, Feelings, Parenting

August Play Therapy Wrap-Up

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· September 5, 2018 
· No Comments

Blog

This month, Dr. Gary shared the importance of emotional literacy. Therapists and counselors are often concerned about a child’s emotional literacy. Emotionally literate children can manage their feelings and their reactions to those feelings. They can recognize and respond to other people’s feelings, which is a significant advantage in life. Feelings are the most basic building blocks of social skills. Without the ability to recognize feelings in themselves and others, children are not able to master social interactions. Read more here.

Articles

New studies have found that toddlers as young as two years old are able to understand that their actions are being judged. They understand that their actions can render positive or negative reactions from others. This is important because it shows us that children, at a very young age, begin to understand far more than we assume. Read full article here.

As we return our loved ones back to school yards, campuses, and trusted teachers, we are too familiar with the temptations that our children face with each new school year. Social media is often an outlet to which they turn. The number of media platforms is ever-growing, however, and it may seem hopeless to a parent to monitor and supervise. Thankfully, we have found some useful tips to help you keep your loved ones safe on the web! Read full article here.

Bullying is scary. It’s a scary concept for parents that could become their child’s reality. But bullying in all forms is a sign of ignorance, and the best way to stop it is to educate your children about what bullying is, and what they should do it they see it, or become a victim. Loren Santos, a school counselor at Franklin Elementary School in Baltimore County, Maryland has six tips to help you talk about bullying with your children. Read full article here.

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Categories : Bullying, Child Development, Feelings, Monthly Wrap-Up, Parenting, Wrap Up
Tags : board games, childhood stress, counseling games, development, family roles, feelings, Play Therapy, therapeutic games for children

Identifying and Expressing Feelings

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· August 21, 2018 
· No Comments

Therapists and counselors are often concerned about a child’s emotional literacy. Emotionally literate children can manage their feelings and their reactions to those feelings. They can recognize and respond to other people’s feelings, which is a significant advantage in life. Many of our clients are not emotionally literate and our work with those children includes developing and enhancing the child’s ability to identify and express their feelings. Feelings are the most basic building blocks of social skills. Without the ability to recognize feelings in themselves and others, children are not able to master social interactions. Children adept at identifying and expressing their feelings are likely to display increased empathy which is crucial for social competence, social relatedness, and pro-social behavior.  Children with deficits in their ability to identify and express their feelings may display excessive anger and frustration, and have more troubled interpersonal relationships with peers, teachers, and family members.

Since the development of The Talking, Feeling, and Doing board game in the 70’s, there have been hundreds of games developed to promote feeling identification and expression. Below is a brief survey of six of the most popular games currently on the market.

Feeling’s Detective is a matching game and is especially helpful with children who have difficulty picking up on social cues. It is suitable for children in grades 1-6. Feelings Detective helps children understand their own feelings as well as the feelings of others. It is especially helpful for children who tend to misread social cues, including those who have been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome or are at any other position on the Autism Spectrum. Specific examples help players link specific situations and thoughts with specific feelings.

The Emotions Mania Thumball is a great ice breaker for children, families, and groups.  Thumballs are a soft, stuffed ball that is safe for indoor use. Game play is simple. Simply throw, roll, pass or catch the thumball. Look under your thumb and react to the feeling word found there. Each panel has a different word. The Emotion Mania Thumball includes words such as happy, sad worried, curious, silly, proud and lonely. It is suitable for children, teens, and adults.

Go Fish: Fishing for Feelings teaches the skills needed to successfully deal with feelings, recognize feelings in others, and identify appropriate feelings. Players practice talking about their feelings in a non-threatening way. Players answer open-ended questions before receiving a requested card. Each question prompts a discussion about successfully dealing with feelings, recognizing other people’s feelings, or identifying appropriate feelings. The game plays like classic Go Fish. There are two decks of 50 cards in each game. One for children ages 5 to 8 years old, and the other for children ages 8 to 11 years old.

 

Emotional Bingo for Children (Spanish & English) is a great game for groups, class rooms, and individual sessions. In this bingo game players identify feelings rather than numbers on their Bingo cards. Emotional Bingo helps children learn to recognize various feelings and make empathetic responses. The game rules provide opportunities for children to discuss their own feelings and to respond with empathy to the feelings of others. The children’s version is suitable for children ages 6-12 and there is a version available for Teens.

 

The Yes I Can! Talk About Feelings cards are designed to facilitate conversation, insight, expressive skills, and increase an individual’s feeling word vocabulary. It is suitable for families, classrooms, counselors, & therapists and improves feeling identification and the expression of emotions. The Yes I Can Talk About Feelings game is great for enhancing self-awareness and the impact of one’s behavior. The instructions include several fun activities and suggestions for using the cards. This game is suitable for ages 5 and up, 2-6 players.

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Categories : Asperger's, Autism, Behavior, Child Development, Communication, Feelings, Play Therapy, Play Therapy Games
Tags : board games, child development, child therapy, counseling games, feelings, Play Therapy, play therapy gams, therapeutic games for children, therapeutic games for teens, therapy games, thumball

July Play Therapy Wrap-Up

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· August 7, 2018 
· No Comments

Blog

This month produced a treasure trove of info and advice. Donna Hammontree outlined the differences between Rights, Responsibilities, Privileges, and Rewards. Knowing the difference between them is important to helping children and teens regulate their behavior. Donna cautions to be consistent when coaching your children/clients, and use positive reinforcement rather than negative. Read more here.

Articles

According to the University of Michigan, there is no correlation between pressuring you children to eat food they don’t want to eat, and positive results of any kind. Researchers say that picky eaters’ weight is unrelated to how hard their parents push them to eat “healthy” foods. likewise, their attitude towards those foods did not improved. You might just be fighting an uphill battle for no reason! Read full article here.

Living in the present has many advantages for children and adults alike. It can sometimes be easy to let worry and fear for what has been, or what could be, turn your day upside down. Rabbi Sam Frenkel’s mission is to use play therapy to help children overcome those worries by living in the present and focusing on today. Read full article here.

It can sometimes be hard to release the reins that keep a parent feeling in control of their children. But as a parent, your role is not to make your child’s decisions for them, but to teach them to make the right choices on their own. This can be exceptionally difficult because a parents first instinct will always be to ensure their child’s safety and happiness. Nancy Buck discusses how you can achieve that without being a helicopter parent. Read full article here.

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Categories : Anxiety, Feelings, Monthly Wrap-Up, Parenting, Play Therapy, Wrap Up
Tags : child development, childhood stress, counseling games, development, family roles, feelings, parenting, Play Therapy, play therapy intervention, therapy intervention

June Play Therapy Wrap-Up

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· July 2, 2018 
· No Comments

Children learn as they play. More importantly, in play, children learn how to learn.

-O. Fred Donaldson

Blog

Another great submission from Leah Davies highlights the importance of encouraging thoughts for children. Leah has tips on how to provoke children to encourage themselves as well as their peers. Examples of positive “self-talk” from Leah’s list include, “It’s OK to make mistakes because everyone does” and, “Each new day brings a chance to do better.” Learning to encourage themselves and others teaches children the value of a positive disposition, and helps them to manage peer relations. Read more here.

Articles

A study conducted in the 60’s has been given new life. The marshmallow test was used to measure the impulsiveness of children by giving them one marshmallow to eat immediately, or wait and get two marshmallows later. The initial test found that most children couldn’t wait for the better deal. Surprisingly, the test re-administered to today’s youngsters told a different story. Researchers are looking to credit technological advances for today’s children’s higher IQ levels, which may lead to higher self-control. Read full article here.

A new study has found that there is no difference in the developmental outcomes for children of same-sex versus different-sex marriage. The study followed lesbian mothers, gay fathers, and heterosexual couples. While there were no findings that one type of family unit performed better or worse than the others, it was found that parents in unhappy relationships reported more problems with their childrens’ behavior. Read full article here.

Christopher J. Ferguson, a professor  of psychology at Stetson University, claims that addiction to technology is “rubbish.” According to his research, the chemical reaction in the brain while having “screen time” is similar to that of other play-time activities, such as swimming, reading for leisure, or conversing. True addictive substances tend to drive the brain’s levels of dopamine much much higher  than the body can naturally produce. Read full article here.

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Categories : Child Development, Feelings, Impulse Control, Monthly Wrap-Up, Parenting, Wrap Up
Tags : child therapy, child therapy toys, childhood stress, feelings, mental health disorders, Play Therapy

Encouraging Thought By Leah Davies, M.Ed.

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· June 18, 2018 
· No Comments

Encouragement means to stimulate initiative and positive actions. Teachers, counselors, and parents are asked to encourage children to do their best by acknowledging their efforts and strengths. However, when children do not feel good about themselves or their situation, they need to be reminded of ways they can encourage themselves and each other.

Ask children for examples of thoughts that help them feel better when they are unhappy. Explain that helpful thoughts are called positive “self-talk” and that adults often use this as a way to cope with their problems. List the children’s ideas on the board.

Some examples are:

  •   I am a good person no matter what anyone does or says.
  •   It is okay to make mistakes because everyone does.
  •   I do not give up; I keep trying.
  •   I think about what is good in my life.
  •   Everyone feels good and bad, now and then.
  •   I can do it!
  •   Money cannot buy happiness.
  •   How I act is more important than how I look.
  •   I am lovable.
  •   When I smile, I feel better.
  •   I can do many things well.
  •   I cannot control what grown-ups do.
  •   I am unique, one of a kind.
  •   When I feel sad, I think of things I like about myself.
  •   Each new day brings a chance to do better.
  •   I think about my choices and then choose what is best for me.
  •   I will change what I can and accept what I cannot change.
  •   I treat others the way I want to be treated.
  •   I cannot change my family; I can only change myself.
  •   What I learn today will help me in the future.

After making an extensive list, have the children choose a sentence that is meaningful to them. Ask them to make a picture or poster featuring their saying complete with illustrations. Have them prominently sign their creation. Then divide into small groups or pairs and have the children discuss their work. Caution the students to be respectful of each other’s ideas. Display the results in the classroom or in the hall to challenge ALL children to use positive “self-talk” that will encourage them to do their best.

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Categories : Behavior, Child Development, Communication, Feelings, Parenting
Tags : child development, child therapy, communication, encouragement, feelings, parenting, Play Therapy

April Play Therapy Wrap-Up

Posted by Gary Yorke 
· May 8, 2018 
· No Comments

Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny. -C.S. Lewis

 Blog

April was autism awareness month as well as child abuse prevention month. Our post this month showed the staggering statistics of child abuse, as well as highlighted methods to keep child therapists who work with abused children trained and emotionally healthy. Dr. Gary shared valuable resources for child therapists working with abused children. Read more here.

Articles

Children learn to regulate their emotions by watching the adults around them. That can seem stressful in and of itself, and you might find yourself saying, “Do as I say, not as I do!” But it’s OK for your children to learn their cues from you. You just have to be mindful of what you’re doing when you become emotional, i.e. angry, sad, frustrated, overjoyed, etc. This article outlines how to use your own body and feelings as teaching tools for healthy emotional coping. Read full article here.

Usually the feeling of guilt is an unpleasant one; a heavy one. In this new study,  researcher Amrisha Vaish, of the University of Virginia, finds that the beginning stages of guilt seem to develop around the age of three. Why is this significant? Vaish views the development of guilt as an opportunity for children to learn to make amends, and better foster social relationships. Read full article here.

There are too many factors to count that lead to a child growing into a productive adult with a “good” job. According to Jenny Anderson, letting children play more is a key factor. Playing leads to self discovery and problem solving and, “helping kids play more ‘will equip them to be relevant to the workplace and to society,’ said John Goodwin, CEO of the Lego Foundation and the former chief financial officer for The Lego Group.” Read full article here.

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Categories : Behavior, Child Development, Feelings, Monthly Wrap-Up, Parenting, Play Therapy, Play Therapy news, Research and Case Studies, Resources, Trauma and Grief, Wrap Up
Tags : Child Abuse, child therapy, childhood stress, development, family roles, feelings, Play Therapy
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