Archive for Impulse Control

June Play Therapy Wrap-Up

Posted by Gary Yorke

· July 2, 2018

Children learn as they play. More importantly, in play, children learn how to learn.

-O. Fred Donaldson

Blog

Another great submission from Leah Davies highlights the importance of encouraging thoughts for children. Leah has tips on how to provoke children to encourage themselves as well as their peers. Examples of positive “self-talk” from Leah’s list include, “It’s OK to make mistakes because everyone does” and, “Each new day brings a chance to do better.” Learning to encourage themselves and others teaches children the value of a positive disposition, and helps them to manage peer relations. Read more here.

Articles

A study conducted in the 60’s has been given new life. The marshmallow test was used to measure the impulsiveness of children by giving them one marshmallow to eat immediately, or wait and get two marshmallows later. The initial test found that most children couldn’t wait for the better deal. Surprisingly, the test re-administered to today’s youngsters told a different story. Researchers are looking to credit technological advances for today’s children’s higher IQ levels, which may lead to higher self-control. Read full article here.

A new study has found that there is no difference in the developmental outcomes for children of same-sex versus different-sex marriage. The study followed lesbian mothers, gay fathers, and heterosexual couples. While there were no findings that one type of family unit performed better or worse than the others, it was found that parents in unhappy relationships reported more problems with their childrens’ behavior. Read full article here.

Christopher J. Ferguson, a professor of psychology at Stetson University, claims that addiction to technology is “rubbish.” According to his research, the chemical reaction in the brain while having “screen time” is similar to that of other play-time activities, such as swimming, reading for leisure, or conversing. True addictive substances tend to drive the brain’s levels of dopamine much much higher than the body can naturally produce. Read full article here.

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Categories : Child Development, Feelings, Impulse Control, Monthly Wrap-Up, Parenting, Wrap Up

Tags : child therapy, child therapy toys, childhood stress, feelings, mental health disorders, Play Therapy

Every Kid With ADHD Needs Captain Underpants by Cristina Margolis

Posted by Gary Yorke

· November 10, 2017

· 1 Comment

“Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Delightfulness is how I prefer it. Everyone else calls it a disorder,” says Dav Pilkey, the popular children’s author of the Captain Underpants series. When Pilkey was in second grade, he was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and Dyslexia. Like many children with ADHD, Pilkey had a difficult time focusing, staying still, and “behaving properly” in class. He was constantly criticized by his teachers and he often felt like an outsider in the classroom.

In second grade, Pilkey began creating Captain Underpants comic books, which his classmates absolutely loved. He had a natural talent for making kids laugh and he loved it. His teacher however, was not fond of Pilkey’s cartooning at all. One time, she even ripped up one of Pilkey’s Captain Underpants drawings in front of the entire class, told Pilkey that his comic books would never amount to anything, and sent Pilkey out into the hallway. What do you think young Pilkey did then? Well, he did what any other determined and hyperfocused ADHDer would do: He immediately began creating another Captain Underpants comic book!

During Pilkey’s childhood, his parents were very supportive of his passion for cartooning and they never listened to the negative critiquing of his teachers about his ADHD. His parents embraced his ADHD and helped Pilkey see his ADHD as a remarkable gift. When Pilkey got to college, one of his professors noticed his gift as well and encouraged him to become a children’s book author. Pilkey then wrote several children’s books and at 31 years old, got Captain Underpants published. Pilkey is a classic example of what having supportive and loving family and teachers can do for a person with ADHD. Twenty years after Captain Underpants was first published, the series is still a huge hit with kids, mine included.

My ADHDer reading her first Captain Underpants book

Let me tell you a bit about my own ADHDer. She is eight years old and before she read her first Captain Underpants book, she hated reading. Getting her to read her assigned book for school was like pulling teeth. She complained that reading was boring and a waste of time. When she got to a big word that was difficult to pronounce, she’d become frustrated and would start crying. She would also lose her place a lot and would reread paragraphs. She was also not very good at comprehending what she had read, because even though she was reading the words, she wasn’t really paying attention to the words.

Then one day, Captain Underpants entered her life and Tra-Laa-Laaa, my ADHDer loved reading! While we were at the library, she asked if she could check out a Captain Underpants book and I said “Yes” of course. As soon as we got home, she plopped herself on the couch and began reading. Then she’d lay upside down on the couch and keep reading. Then, she’d kneel down on the floor and use the couch as a table and keep reading. Needless to say, she devoured that book. While she was reading, she was smiling and laughing. She was really enjoying herself and I have never ever seen her love reading so much. I have Dav Pilkey and his ADHDmazing imagination to thank for that. He absolutely has a talent for getting kids, particularly kids with ADHD, to love reading! The layout of his books are great for kids like mine too. The words are not overwhelming, the chapters are short, and there is a picture on practically every single page. There are even mini-breaks from reading the kids take without even realizing it with Pilkey’s Flip-O-Rama feature throughout the book.

Now I know the Captain Underpants series is known for its potty humor, which is one of the main reasons why children love the stories so much, but as a parent of an ADHDer, what I love the most about the series are the relatable characters for my ADHDer and the hidden (perhaps not-so-hidden) messages that kids with ADHD pick up on.

Captain Underpants And The Perilous Plot Of Professor Poopypants, by Dav Pilkey

The main characters in Captain Underpants are two little boys named George and Harold. They are best friends who are both fun, creative, mischievous, and smart… oh, and they both have ADHD. Pilkey makes it no secret that the boys have ADHD and explains what it is like for children with ADHD. “George and Harold weren’t really bad kids. They were actually very bright, good-natured boys. Their only problem is that they were bored in school,” Pilkey writes in Captain Underpants And The Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants (Yes, that is the actual title of the book).

Pilkey also includes some hidden ADHD messages behind his stories. Movie Spoiler Alert: In the new Captain Underpants film, Professor Poopypants hates anything that is funny, so he creates a machine that zaps the humor out of people’s minds so that people will no longer think anything is funny. Professor Poopypants tries to zap the humor out of George’s and Harold’s brains, but it doesn’t work, because the humorous part of their brains are too big and powerful. We know that the brains of people with ADHD are hardwired differently. ADHD is a condition people are born with and it is not something people can simply grow out of. Nobody can “zap” ADHD out of anyone and honestly, why would they want to? ADHD is a big part of what makes children like George and Harold so fun and clever and ADHD is a big part of what makes Pilkey so imaginative and passionate. If it weren’t for ADHD, Captain Underpants wouldn’t even exist!

Meeting Dav Pilkey was EPIC!

My family and I had the pleasure of meeting Dav Pilkey last month at his Supa-Epic Tour O’ Fun celebrating 20 epic years of Captain Underpants and the release of his latest Dog Man book. It was such a huge honor to be able to hear Pilkey tell us about his ADHD and how he used it to his advantage. He definitely gives ADHD a good name! It is so important to have role models in our ADHDers’ lives that treat ADHD as a gift. Pilkey is without a doubt, one of the very best role models for kids with ADHD today. We are so happy we were able to tell Pilkey how much his books mean to us and how ADHDmazing we think he is. It was definitely a moment I’ll never forget, because I could see in my daughter’s eyes that she was proud to be an ADHDer, just like Pilkey. Just like Pilkey, she too is creative, intelligent, and remarkable and just like Pilkey, there is no doubt in my mind that she too will be going places.

***

Did you love this post as much as we did? Get more from Cristina Margolis at MyLittleVillagers.com

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Categories : ADHD, Behavior, Books, Impulse Control, Parenting, Play Therapy books

Tags : adhd, adhd book, books for kids, child therapy, childrens books

5 TIPS ON HOW TO PARENT A CHILD WITH OCD by Natasha Daniels

Posted by Gary Yorke

· January 26, 2017

· No Comments

Watching your children suffer from irrational beliefs and partaking in bizarre rituals is heartbreaking. The parenting handbook left out the chapter on how to parent children with OCD. How are you supposed to react? How can you help them stop their compulsive behavior? Should you be stern? Should you ignore it?

Parenting a child with OCD is one of the hardest jobs a parent will ever have to face.

Here are five basic tips I have learned from working with children with OCD:

1) Educate you and your child on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Repeatedly I sit on the opposite side of the couch talking to nervous and uncomfortable children. They whisper to me how they have silly beliefs. I offer them reassurance and they reluctantly tell me more. They sheepishly tell me how they must touch corners, or count in their head, or wash their hands every time they have a bad thought. They apologize for their bizarre thoughts and stare at me, waiting for me to officially declare them “crazy.”

No matter how often this happens it breaks my heart. I tell the children that I have heard this before. That they are not alone. That there is a name for this. That it is common. And that there is help. Their eyes open wide and they say, “there is?!” with palpable relief.

You can help your children by explaining to them what OCD is and how it affects their thinking. If you don’t understand OCD yourself, it is helpful to acquire this knowledge so you are better prepared to help your child. If you are unsure of the signs of OCD read OCD in Children: Are you Missing the Signs.

There are some great books that help children understand OCD on a child-friendly level. Some parents shy away from using the word OCD, but I have found that children find great comfort in knowing that their issue has a name and that they are not alone. My favorite children’s book on OCD is What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck by Dawn Huebner. An informative book for parents is What to Do When Your Child Has Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Aureen Wagner.

2) Give the OCD a name like Mr. Bossy

Often children don’t know how to talk about their OCD. They are embarrassed by their thoughts. They are dependent on their rituals. When you tell them to stop doing ritualistic behavior they may feel like you are attacking them – not their OCD. They sometimes feel angry. Why would you tell me to stop doing something that is keeping me “safe.”

Help your children externalize their OCD by giving it a name. You can call it Mr. Worry or Mr. Bossy. Some kids like to get creative and come up with their own names. I have had kids call it Mr. Germs or Mr. Numbers depending on their OCD theme.

One approach is to tell your child something like:

Mr. Bossy is a trickster and he likes to boss you around and make you feel worried. He wants you to avoid stuff and follow his silly rules. When you do what he wants he grows bigger. When he grows bigger he can bother you more. When you turn into Super (insert your child’s name here) – you can fight Mr. Bossy and beat him. When you ignore him, or argue about his silly rules, you shrink him and make him smaller – less powerful.

Books on OCD can help you reiterate this message or help you create one of your own if this approach doesn’t resonate with you or your child.

3) Do not get overzealous and point out all your child’s rituals

When your child has a problem you want to fix it as soon as you can. This can make parents overzealous with their efforts to beat their child’s OCD for them. Unfortunately, this is your child’s battle. You can offer your help and guidance, but you can’t fix this for your child. In fact, if you point out every ritualistic behavior you see – you may unintentionally cause your children to become more secretive about their OCD issues. Stopping ritualistic behavior does not happen overnight. Initial success may be as simple as them just recognizing it is an OCD thought or being able to briefly delay a ritual.

4) Don’t be part of their rituals

One area you do have control over is your participation in rituals. Some children involve their parents in their ritualistic behavior. If possible, you do not want to enable or participate in rituals. You can tell your child, “I am not helping Mr. Bossy boss you around. You can listen to him, but I won’t!” This might take some time to build up to if you’ve been participating in their rituals for a while.

5) Keep an eye out for new rituals so you can work together as a team

Children can get defensive about their rules and rituals and they may not want you to recognize any new rules or behaviors. Even though children do not want to have OCD, they are often slaves to the rituals that provide them with brief relief from their worrying. Therefore, it is important to keep an eye out for odd or irrational behavior.

Often when one type of OCD behavior has been eliminated – another rule or behavior replaces it. That is why it is important to give your children the skills to beat OCD and not just the specific behavior or rule they are currently doing. When you discover your children are doing a new ritual gently address this with them and let them know you are here to help them beat Mr. Bossy.

OCD can be a challenging issue! It can consume little minds and impede their social and emotional growth. The sooner children are given the skills to overcome their OCD the better the long-term prognosis will be. I encourage you to follow these tips, educate yourself by reading books on OCD and seek out professional guidance and support for you and your child as needed.

For more information and resources on OCD you can visit iocdf.org or take this quick 8 minute Video Lesson on how to parent a child with OCD here.

If you know a family struggling to parent a child with OCD, share this article with them.

Bio:

Natasha Daniels is a child therapist and author of Anxiety Sucks! A Teen Survival Guide and How to Parent Your Anxious Toddler. She is the creator of AnxiousToddlers.com and the parenting E-Course How to Teach Your Kids to Crush Anxiety. Her work has been featured on various sites including Huffington Post, Scary Mommy and The Mighty. She can be found on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest or making parenting videos for Curious.com.

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Categories : Behavior, Child Development, Impulse Control, Parenting, Reader Submissions

The Stop, Relax, and Think Board Game

Posted by Gary Yorke

· December 12, 2016

· No Comments

srthink

Dr. Gary has used The Stop, Relax and Think Board Game for over twenty-five years and it continues to be one of the most popular games published by Childswork/Childsplay. Now revised, this very popular board game helps active, impulsive children learn motor control, relaxation skills, how to express their feelings, and how to problem-solve. The game can be used both as a diagnostic and a treatment tool, and behaviors learned in the game can be generalized for the home and classroom.

Ideal game to help impulsive children think before they act
Useful as both a diagnostic and treatment tool
Up to 6 players

The game includes a game board, 50 tokens, 1 6-sided die, 1 10-sided die, 6 turtle game pieces and 2 card decks.

Suitable for children between six and 12.

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Categories : Behavior, Child Development, Conflict, Impulse Control, Product of the Month

Death By A Thousand Cuts: Experiencing ADHD

Posted by Gary Yorke

· November 22, 2016

· 1 Comment

It’s no exaggeration to suggest that the self-esteem of children with ADHD, over the span of their childhood, experiences a thousand cuts. Even in the presence of well-meaning and supportive adults an individual with ADHD is constantly reminded that they’re not quite making it: forgotten homework, incomplete chores, poor grades, reminders to be quiet, lost or misplaced shoes, gloves, jackets and school materials, and tardiness, to name just a few of the negative behaviors displayed by someone with ADHD. And then there are the comments: “how many times do I have to tell you?” When will you learn?” How hard is this?” “Why can’t you get this?” and “Just be quiet!” Then there is the endless parade of negative consequences: time outs, lost electronics, no recess, no play time, frowns, irritation, and disappointment from parents and teachers, and in some cases much worse consequences. Humans are resilient. A single cut, and the body heals itself. Multiple cuts, spread over a life-time, and the body heals itself. But a thousand cuts massed over a short time period, and the body dies.

In their book, “Death by A Thousand Cuts” Brook, Bourgon, and Blue note that the purpose of this type of execution isn’t just about inflicting physical pain and death. It was also meant to deny the victim hope of life after death, and inflict shame. The thousand cuts experienced by an individual with ADHD often has a similar effect, the infliction of shame and the loss of hope, not for a life after death, but a decent life while they still have breath. Adults with ADHD are disproportionally represented in incarcerated populations, experience more academic failure, more employment disruption, and more marital conflict.

What to do? First, we need to make sure we understand ADHD. It isn’t just about being hyperactive, impulsive, or inattentive. Individuals with ADHD experience a complex set of difficulties including emotional sensitivity, executive functioning deficits, social skill deficits and challenges regulating their attention. Individuals with ADHD can pay attention if the thing they are attending to is intrinsically interesting to them, or they have been offered a big enough carrot. The challenge for an individual with ADHD is arousing themselves to attend adequately to things that are tedious and monotonous. Additionally, individuals with ADHD may over-focus and have difficulty disengaging from what they are involved in.

What else? Let’s stop trivializing the diagnosis. ADHD won’t physically kill you, but it does contribute to a great deal of emotional distress and a lifetime of challenges. And, let’s start diagnosing it correctly. Take the time to get a thorough history, review school records, and get standardized questionnaires completed by parents and teachers. We also need to acknowledge that ADHD is a neurological problem that doesn’t fix itself, and doesn’t get fixed with psychotherapy. While therapy is often an important component of treatment, parents and children with ADHD need to be educated (constantly) about ADHD, individuals with ADHD frequently need increased structure (e.g., 504 plan, regularly scheduled homework time, bedtime, and mealtime), increased support (homework assistance, tutoring, organizing their backpack) and finally medication. We need to get educated about medication and quit being afraid of it. Enlist the support of a good psychiatrist or pediatrician, and a good psychologist if the diagnosis is not clear, or there are multiple diagnoses to be ruled out.

By acknowledging the emotional distress experienced by individuals with ADHD over their lifetime, we increase our ability to respond empathically and appropriately to our clients with ADHD, and put them in a better position to lead successful and fulfilling lives.

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Categories : ADHD, Behavior, Impulse Control, Play Therapy, Self-Esteem, Social Issues

‘One at a Time’: A parent-led drawing activity

Posted by Gary Yorke

· September 7, 2015

This is a simple and very useful family intervention idea from reader Jessalyn Pedone. Ms. Pedone earned a gift certificate to childtherapytoys.com for her submission. Learn how you can do the same!

Theme: Cooperation, working together, following direction, and family interactions
Recommended Ages: Pre-K through 3rd grade
Goals: Client will practice following directions, cooperation, teamwork, listening skills, and impulse control during activity
Materials: Paper and coloring utensils (pens, markets, glitter glue, crayons, etc.)

Description:
I typically do this activity with families but it could also be done in a group setting (see discussion below for more information on how to implement this activity in a group therapy setting). First I have the family work together on creating a picture of the parent’s choice (if two parents are present, have them work as a team to lead activity). The family takes turns adding elements of the picture as dictated by the parent. Mom/Dad may decide to draw a beach and ask the child to draw a sun, and then Mom/Dad would draw the sand and ask the child to draw another part of the picture. The client will be able to pick the color they want to use but will not be able to change the color (this distracts from the focus of the game). While each person is drawing, only encouragement and positive language can be used (i.e. “Wow, you are doing such a great job of drawing that sun! I love all of the detail you are adding!”). After the drawing, I point out all of the positive communication skills used during the activity. I ask how this felt to all involved and discuss how the goal was achieved by working together. The parents and children seem to really enjoy it.

Discussion:
This activity works well for children that struggle with following directions, controlling their impulses, or relinquishing control. It is helpful for parents that are learning to play a more assertive yet supportive role. This may be an appropriate activity for children diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder and impulse control disorders. It is useful in dealing with parent-child conflict or with children that simply struggle with following directions or respecting parental authority. I have also done this activity with children with attachment issues because it helps to remind them that the parent/guardian (foster or adoptive) is a safe person who will provide structure and control while also being nurturing and supportive. This activity could also be done in a group setting with the therapist in the lead role, or by having each group member taking a turn in the lead role. It is a simple and fun way to encourage compliance, positive listening skills, following directions, and teamwork.

Categories : Art Therapy, Communication, Filial Therapy, Impulse Control, Intervention Ideas, Parenting, Reader Submissions

Using ‘Taboo: The Game of Unspeakable Fun’ to Teach Impulse Control

Posted by Gary Yorke

· August 28, 2014

· No Comments

Taboo isn’t just for dinner parties! Here’s a fun intervention idea submitted by reader Charity Armbruster that uses the game to treat impulse control. Ms. Armbruster earned a gift certificate to childtherapytoys.com for her submission. Learn how you can do the same!

Taboo is a word guessing game by published by Hasbro. In the Taboo game, you need to get the other participant(s) to guess the secret word, but the obvious clues are strictly off-limits. To get someone to say pinball, you might say arcade, game, flippers, tilt, or roll. In this game you can’t because all of those words are strictly forbidden. There is an additional challenge in racing against a clock.

The Taboo Game can be difficult for children with impulse control issues and anger issues. However, as the game is played children are able to develop cooperation skills, persistence, impulse control, and learn how to delay gratification. I play the game with students in our schools who have anger issues. Many of these children can be rather explosive. As an angry child becomes more emotional, they may refuse or be unable to say why they are upset or what happened to cause their distress. Before starting the Taboo game I explain how difficult it can be to communicate when angry, and I state that when someone becomes so angry they cannot express their feelings, it’s like a game of Taboo. The teachers and aides are trying to figure out what the problem is, but the child is not saying anything. I explain that even a simple “I don’t know” can be more beneficial than not saying anything.

Playing the Taboo game is usually combined with other lessons related to anger control, such as identifying what makes me angry, strategies to control my anger, and techniques to regulate and/or healthily redirect my anger.

Example 1: In this example the game was played one-on-one with a student. I began by explaining the rules of the game to a student, and then I went first. The child’s task was to guess what the word on the card was. Within minutes the student became very upset because he could not guess the word. As we played the game, we would stop and take breaks, and process the frustration and ways to handle it.

Example 2: During another game a student became frustrated and threw the cards across the room, stating this game is “stupid”. Again, I processed and discussed the frustration with the student. He sat in the chair and stared at me. He then said “it’s really hard.” I asked him if instead of throwing the cards could he “ask me for help from me.” Often I would stop and use humor to defuse his frustration before it became to explosive.

For children with impulse and anger issues, Taboo: The Game can be difficult because they may have a hard time finding the right word. However, playing the game over time gives the child and counselor ample opportunity to develop anger management strategies, frustration tolerance, and better communication skills.

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Categories : Behavior, Impulse Control, Intervention Ideas, Play Therapy Games, Reader Submissions

Feelings Education

Posted by Gary Yorke

· December 15, 2009

· No Comments

Many of our clients come to us with a very poor feelings word vocabulary, making it difficult for them to effectively use language to communicate their internal state. Literally dozens of products now exist that encourage and allow our young clients to express themselves; everything from posters to books, board games, and our very popular Mood Dudes. Check out our large collection of feelings items here.

Three of our most popular feelings products are the Laminated Feelings Poster (available in English and Spanish, and in a variety of sizes), Feelings Playing Cards, and Feelings Fair. The Feelings Playing Cards can be used to play the game “Fish” (when a player gets two matching cards, they get to lay them down after they identify a time they had a feeling). The Feelings Poster can be used to open a session by simply inviting a child to look at the poster and see if they can find a feeling they’ve had today. The Feelings Fair game allows children to express their feelings while going on a journey through the fair. It’s perfect for children ages six to twelve.

Two other products of recent popularity are the Emotions Mania Thumball and Faces and Feelings Listening Lotto. The Thumball works great as an icebreaker activity in groups, and the Faces and Feelings Listening Lotto explores the look and tone of emotions as kids match narrative statements to photographs of kids’ faces showing different expressions. To play, players listen to a CD and place tokens on the images on their game cards that match what the hear.

All of these have been very impactful in my sessions. Has anyone else had experience with these items? Let us know on the comment boards.

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Categories : Feelings, Impulse Control, Play Therapy Toys

Tags : mood dudes

Conflict Resolution Games for Kids

Posted by Gary Yorke

· January 4, 2009

· No Comments

We are so fortunate to be therapists now with so many resources available to work with children. There are days that I think my entire practice consists of children who can’t get along with peers or siblings. In addition to allowing time for play and discussion, I find that board games and role play are really useful for teaching cooperation skills.

Here is a partial list and description of some of the relevant games available from childtherapytoys.com. Learn more about each game by clicking on the game title.

Both The Social and Emotional Competence Game and My First Therapy Game (ages 6-14) are excellent for getting to know children and helping them to begin thinking about cooperating, sharing, communicating and other social skills necessary for conflict resolution. A very nice series of games that foster social and emotional competence and help avoid getting into conflict are: No More Arguments, No More Teasing, and No More Bullies (ages 6-12).

Many children with conflict issues also have anger issues and need strategies to “cool down” before they can cooperate and resolve conflicts. Both the The Angry Monster Machine Game (ages 5-10) and Furious Fred (ages 7-12) are helpful (see earlier post about games for anger management). More recently published games include Intelligent Anger (ages 10-14) and Escape from Anger Island (ages 6-12).

Of course, The Conflict Resolution Game(ages 6-12) and Conflict Busters(ages 7-12) are obvious choices. Treasure Time (ages 6-12 & ages 5-8) is available in two versions and addresses a range of issues associated with cooperation and resolving conflict. Many children experience conflict because they don’t understand the connection between behavior and consequences. Rules & Reason(ages 5-10) is a board game that addresses this issue. Consequences teaches similar skills and is fun for younger children (ages 3-10). Always Play Fair (ages 6-12) uses a sports theme to discuss pro-social behaviors.

Journey to Friendsville (ages 6-12) is a new game that teaches a variety of skills, including conflict resolution. Understanding others, empathy, and effective communication are necessary skills for conflict resolution. Another new game, from the author of the Ungame, is Out of Your Mind (ages six through adult). I also like A Day in the Life(ages 6-12), which takes players through the day of someone who must handle multiple conflicts with peers and authority figures.

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Categories : Anger, Behavior, Communication, Feelings, Impulse Control, Play Therapy Games, Social and Emotional Competence

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