Theme: Identifying Feelings, Anger, Anger Management, Cool down strategies

Recommended Ages: 5^th Grade +

Goals:  Identify anger as an emotion, Describe inappropriate responses to anger, and learn appropriate responses

Materials: Wooden slate, Hammer, Nails

Description:

This activity involves story-telling, discussion, and physical activity. The goal as noted above, is to assist children in developing the ability to identify anger and learn appropriate responses when angry. The combination of story-telling, discussion, and physical activity keeps children engaged.

Directions:

Begin by asking, “Is anger good or bad?” The typical response from most students is “bad”. This question always leads into a great discussion about anger and angry behavior. During this phase of the discussion the group leader draws attention to anger as an emotion that is neither good nor bad, but simply a feeling.  The leader should emphasize that the problematic aspect of anger is not the feelings associated with it, but instead the reaction to those feelings. It is the way anger is handled that can be deemed as “good or bad,” “helpful or not helpful,” or “appropriate or not appropriate.”

Introduce the story by reading the title and read the first paragraph (Full Story Below):

“There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him  that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.”

Ask the students why  the father wanted his son to hammer the nails into a fence.  As part of the discussion include the idea that losing our temper is a common response to anger, but there are a number of other reactions that may follow anger as well. Encourage participants to identify some of these responses, as well as identifying the circumstances that lead to anger. Encourage participation by letting the participants know that they will be granted the opportunity to hammer a nail into a piece of wood, similar to what the father suggested his son do in the story. Individually, students may be called on to answer one or more of the questions posed, and after expressing their opinions on the topic, they are guided in hammering the nail into the wood.  Upon completion of the hammering activity, continue with reading more of the story:

“The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.”

Propose to the students that learning to control anger really takes practice. Ask the students what are some good or appropriate responses to anger that can elicit a calming effect. Explain to the students that those who engage in the conversation will have the opportunity to come up to the slab of wood, and pull out one of the nails that were hammered into it. Once all the nails have been removed from the wood, guide the students in a discussion about what they think the purpose of this activity is? Draw special attention to the outcome associated with pulling the nails out of the wood before reading the conclusion of the story:

“The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.”

Discussion:

Part of anger management  is trial and error, looking for what works in helping to calm down. There is no universal technique, as individual differences require something slightly different for each person. Anger management is not a prescribed direction, but rather suggestions or guidelines that allow for individuals to adapt the various techniques in a manner that is personally beneficial. Successful management of anger requires us to learn that there are alternative responses available to us, and training ourselves to not automatically revert to the negative reactions. Students should be encouraged to discuss their personal cognitive schemas associated with anger management. What sets them off, and in response, what do they feel is the warranted response to address that anger? Specifically focus on appropriate versus inappropriate anger responses, centering discussions on negative consequences that may be the result of certain responses, or the cause of certain responses. Follow-up discussion should center on the lasting effects of inappropriate responses to anger. Students sometimes believe that if they do not physically touch someone, their response is still appropriate, or if they apologize for their actions after the fact, it makes everything alright. Frequently there is a permanency to actions. People are sensitive to words just as much as they are to physical aggression. Forgiveness is something many people will eventually and/or willingly grant others, but forgetting the way that person made them feel is something many people have challenges letting go of. Words and actions can never be taken back, and the scars they leave behind are long lasting, regardless of how much the perpetrator changes. Learning more appropriate responses is the key, as it is the decrease and elimination of inappropriate responses that will contribute to positive relationships.

Thanks Brandon for another great submission! Check out our Anger Management Education Package and other anger management resources here!

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.